Hanoi 2019: Pure Bliss

"June 7, 2019

5:38PM Local Time

Noi Bai International Airport

To be honest, I don't know what to feel about the whole trip because I imagined it to be so "life-changing", to be so intense. But when I arrived here in Hanoi, I just felt relieved (relaxed) that I finally made it to my dream destination. In the span of 5 days, I just felt happy all the time without worry in my mind. I felt (like) my wings were spread for a moment and I was allowed to enjoy for a moment. I learned about the culture and lifestyle of the Vietnamese and their history, and I was able to connect to their culture. My heart is full every time I walk in the streets of Hanoi.

But of course, there are still a few things I picked up during the trip. First, this trip pushed the limits of my anxiety. It improved my resiliency despite suffering anxiety. I think it's important because it will help me to be more strong when more intense anxieties will come in the future.

Second, I need to improve my self-acceptance and self-love issues. Oftentimes, I put down and blame myself for my actions and personality when, in fact, they are part of me. I need to accept them so that I can love myself better and I can live a better life. 

Lastly, believing creates miracles. I realized that when you do something and believe with your sincere heart that it will happen, you can never go wrong. The tip for this lesson is work + faith/trust. With those two, you can do so many things.

When I started to plan this trip, I envisioned it to be an intense and transformative healing trip because I thought I had so much to work on myself, but it was just light and full of happiness. Maybe that's just what I need at the moment: a light healing trip to make me remember what it feels like to be really happy and not be worried about things--just pure enjoyment. After what I've been through for the past years, my Hanoi trip is just perfect.

- M"

*****

This time last year, I was at Noi Bai International Airport waiting for my flight back to the Philippines. It was when I finished my 5-day vacation in Hanoi. The trip was a graduation gift from my Dad and I'm really thankful to him that he allowed me to go abroad trip alone. 

I can still remember how stressed I was when I planned my trip. I researched a lot since I didn't choose those group tours that travel agencies usually offer. From watching a Korean travel variety show featuring Hanoi to downloading several travel apps available, you name it. I made my itinerary and booked all of them myself, so I became stressed. I was also anxious about Immigration since it was my first time flying overseas, and I still didn't have work at that time. I started planning it in March 2019, and I flew on June 03, 2019. But between those months, rather than excitement, all I could feel was anxiety.

Aside from my chronic anxiety, I am really an overthinker, and when it comes to unfamiliar situations or things, I am a "sigurista," so I was very anxious about this trip. Especially when I was lining up for the Immigration. Wah, I was really scared since I read a lot about Immigration problems online. Thankfully, it didn't take long for me to pass the check. I finally felt relaxed when I completed the security check at Immigration.

Walking towards the Boarding gate, it dawned upon me how I managed to fight my anxiety. I felt so relieved because I started to feel nauseous during my departure layover and check-in. My flight interval going to Hanoi was long, so I had more time to worry. It was really exhausting. But I made it! I survived it and finally reached my dream destination. It really means a lot to me because there were so many things that I gave up because of my anxiety, but I learned to be more resilient that time. I realized that I was able to push my limits and that I conquered my fears. 

So when I arrived in Hanoi, it was really fulfilling. The thought that stepping into Noi Bai International Airport was already enough of a feat for me. It was definitely a proud moment.

Hanoi was beautiful. The ambiance was amazing and peaceful. Though there were a lot of motorcycles and people, the place still gave me a relaxed feeling. It was also what I promised myself when I first stepped on the pavements of Hang Bai Street (where my accommodation was located): "Starting now, don't think about anything and just enjoy your vacation."

Hoan Kiem Lake was the first place I visited after settling my accommodation. It was free and near where I was staying, just two blocks away. But tbh, I really planned it that way. Haha! It was surreal to see it with my naked eyes. Months before the trip, I was just watching it from a show, and now, I finally saw it in person. Really thankful and blessed, TYG.

Indeed, this vacation made me feel what is it to truly enjoy something without worrying about anything. I was (and still am) struggling with my chronic anxiety for years, so it made me realize that it's an experience I've been missing for a long time. Ah, so this is what it feels like without anxiety? My heart was really happy.

And more than anything, I am so thankful to my parents, especially to my father, who made this trip possible. He was also the one who pushed me and believed in me and that I could do it. He always makes sure that I have enough resources in order for me to grow into a better person.

During this trip, me and Dad also had the opportunity to talk more deeply about our relationship. As I grew up, we really had rough moments that we were not able to address since he was away from us. He's an OFW even way before I was born, so I grew up without his presence. We had a hard time understanding each other through the years, but during that trip, we were able to talk about it.

I was really happy, and he was, too. We were able to hear each other's thoughts and intentions and through that, we were able to understand each other better. Finally. It made my trip much more meaningful because of that.

And I'm really thankful to the Heavens that He made it happen before everything was too late. Two weeks after the trip, we lost my Dad.

I miss him so much, but I also feel at ease knowing that he's resting and happy wherever he is right now.

You're so beautiful, Hanoi.
📍 Huc Bridge, Hoan Kiem Lake

Let me add a TMI about my experience with Ngoc Son Temple which Huc Bridge connects to the city:  It was during the last day of my trip before my departure and I personally planned my morning itinerary for that day since the tour that I booked was in still in the afternoon. I went to Ngoc Son Temple as it was one of the places included for that morning tour.  The place was solemn and breathtaking. I can still remember the breeze that was blowing that time.

However without knowing, I went again to the Temple during my afternoon tour. Hahaha! When I booked the tour, the information said that it only includes cylo tour around the Old Quarter and Water Puppet show. The cyclo tour stopped at near Hoan Kiem Lake and I expected that we were going straight to the show after because that was said in the plan. The lake was also near the theater for the Puppet Show.

But, I was caught off guard when my guide directed me at the entrance of the bridge to buy a ticket to enter the temple. The reason that my guide said was we had still time before the show, so we went to the Temple to kill the time. And I didn't tell her that I already visited the place because I don't want to put her on spot. 

And while writing this, I wonder where would we go if I told her the truth?  🤔😅

Hence, this trip really means a lot to me for several reasons, not just because it's my first time traveling abroad. I know people might be already annoyed because I can't stop talking about this experience. But really, my heart just feels happy and full every time I think about my memories in Hanoi.

The memories are still vivid up to this time. I keep on relieving them in my mind because I easily forget things due to my condition. I really want to go back there and explore more the city, but due to the pandemic, I don't think it will happen anytime soon. But I'm thankful that I was able to experience it even just once in my life.

And yes, it's true when they say, "You fall in love with a place," because that's what I felt with Hanoi.

See you soon, Hanoi.

— M.